Random Thoughts Thursday part 6

Before I begin, see the picture on this post? Yes, those are SOME of the chess sets in my collection. Are blog posts a judgement-free zone? ;-D

We have a phrase in America: "All work and no play makes Jack a very dull boy." It is meant as both a warning and an encouragement to those whose lives revolve around work to take a break and relax a little. Sometimes, though, the opposite is true, and "Jack" might spend his entire day playing chess instead of working. The results are the same as far as being "dull," only in the second case, Jack is also broke. Well, unless he is a grandmaster! ;-)

Perhaps you know someone in your life who can only speak about one main topic. You attempt to start a conversation about one thing, but within minutes, somehow, they manage to relate it to their topic of choice, and you are "locked in" for the long haul. In some cases, this can be AMAZING if you happen to be listening to a gifted genius. In other cases, it can be frustrating to be an audience member for such a monologue.

For those who have kept up with my blog, you might be discovering different bits of information about my life. That's alright with me. I am like an onion. I have many layers to my personality, and I don't mind sharing some of my story. What is difficult is to quickly explain where I am coming from in each new blog post without adding a little background information that doesn't repeat myself. I have a large extended family and when I learned that I have a few family members with special needs, I went back to school to educate myself on early childhood. In my practicum work, I had the privilege of working with some special-needs children on the Autism spectrum. And I do mean PRIVILEGE, because when you are finally a "trusted member" in their world, it is truly a special moment.

One of the behaviors typical of children on the Autism spectrum is that they tend to perseverate on their "special topics." They may know EVERYTHING there is to know about trains or planes or space or dinosaurs. I was always AMAZED at the 5-year-old "mini-experts" who taught me SO much about their favorite things. At some point, though, my role as a behavioral specialist was to expand on this knowledge to help them diversify their interests so they could gain the social skills needed to be a bit more well-rounded. Forming friendships is important, and in order to maintain lasting relationships, there must be a balance of give and take in interactions.

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How does this relate to chess? Yeah, I think some of you already know where I am going with this. I will just talk about myself, and you can make your own applications to your life if you want.

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In September of 2019, before COVID had really threatened the city where I live, my nearly 42-year-old self was beginning to appreciate the game of chess. Up until that point, I knew the rules of the game, but I never enjoyed playing it because I knew no openings or tactics and didn't even know how to find a win. It was just me on the other side of the board, making random moves, waiting for my opponent to mate me so I could move on with life. That sounds so boring, and honestly, it wasn't really fun for anyone. It wasn't until a particularly "cheeky" friend of mine challenged me to play a few games that I really started to pay attention to learning chess. You see, he was SO playfully arrogant when he was winning so effortlessly, laughing and challenging me to play repeatedly. I continued to play and lose several times that night just because his laughter was so contagious, and because the game held no interest to me, I had nothing to lose. I didn't care about ratings or bragging rights. It didn't hurt my ego at all to let him beat me, even though he started with no rooks on the board or sometimes no queen. It was HIS game, not mine. But then he took a break and left the table for a bit. It was then that I watched my first YouTube video on How to win at chess just to shake things up a little bit because I am a huge fan of the element of surprise. It had your typical top 10 basic strategies for beginners, and I quickly memorized what I could. My friend came back to the table and set up the board again with him starting with no rooks, but THIS time it ended in a draw. He was shocked and I was thrilled. So, he set up the full board again and beat me several more times, just to prove his point. He was definitely the victor that night.

I will always remember that evening fondly because it was the night of my humble beginnings. I like puzzles and math a lot, so the game of chess was a natural fit for me. I just never understood that before my friend showed me a new side to the game. I went home, and I was determined to learn all I could. I had no accounts on online chess websites to practice on, so I watched video after video on YouTube and took notes on paper. Yeah, you read that right—on paper. I would practice a few tactics on a chess board I had bought for my sons years before, and I would challenge my boys to games. I was really pleased that they were decent players and, at that time, provided me with a bit of a challenge to be able to win. Armed with my new-found confidence, I bought a small chess board to carry around in my purse so that I could ask people for a game if the opportunity ever arose. It didn't take long.

One evening, I was at a speaking club where the locals go to try to practice English. I like to attend these events because I am a native English speaker, so I am always warmly welcomed because everyone wants to practice their English with me. It is a win-win for me. I am an extrovert in a foreign country, so they get English practice, and I get good company speaking in my mother tongue. It gives my brain a much-needed rest because a lot of my daily interactions are usually conducted in a hard-to-speak second language. After the conversations were winding down, I took out my chess board and asked if anyone played. Here I am, a complete self-taught rookie player, thinking I knew something about chess and asking for a game as if I had any serious skills. I cringe now to think about it. A man quickly said, "Sure, set up the board." Now, the sheer embarrassment of this experience prevents me from completely recalling what happened after that, but let me assure you, I know I lost in under 10 moves. I sat looking at my board in disbelief, and then I looked up at him and said, "What just happened?" He said, "Well, I was the regional champion in my area." I am SO GLAD I had enough sense to ask him to teach me a few moves on the board that night. He graciously did. I wrote all that in my notebook too. ;-) I continued to practice, and after a few months, I won my first game against the jokester guy who started me on my chess journey. Believe me, THAT was a glorious day!

I loved playing anyone who was willing to play. I challenged every one of my friends when we would meet for various things, and I discovered that none of them played well. It was not fun for either of us, and so my new-found hobby did not really have an outlet. ... That is, until the COVID lockdowns took full effect. I finally learned about online chess websites, and my addiction began. I don't use the word addiction lightly. During the long hours of being stuck in my apartment, I would teach my school subjects online to my students and make sure my sons had what they needed as far as food and equipment for their online classes. My kids and I then played every board game we owned and watched a lot of movies during that repeatedly extended city-wide lockdown. It was such an odd time in my life as a very active extrovert to be locked in a small apartment with my two very introverted sons. And so as not to overwhelm them with a lot of social interaction and to not lose my own mind, I allowed myself the addiction of playing chess online. I totally justified it, too. I mean, really, I took care of my kids, did my online job, cooked, cleaned my home, played chess, and repeated the next day. Chess was an outlet to keep my brain engaged and not think about the suffocating feeling of not being allowed long walks outside.

By the time the city finally reopened in stages after months of only allowing us to go outside for short trips to the grocery store, to take out garbage, or to walk a dog (I never wanted to own a dog so badly in my life during that time), I was hooked on chess. I just didn't know how long it would take me to get my obsession back into balance with the rest of my life. I still remember the first walk we were allowed to take, and I took my sons with me to the park. Everything was "taped off" so that you could not sit and enjoy anything but only walk along the designated paths. It was actually awful. I remember just how crowded those paths were because EVERYONE wanted to experience nature again, but because we all wanted it, no one could really enjoy it due to the crowds. I took a few pictures of much-missed flowers, and we headed home.

Eventually, the city created our "new normal," and we were allowed to sit in public spaces and visit more. Because everyone was afraid of germs on shared chess pieces, most of my chess play remained online. I started to notice how my in-person conversations would often turn towards chess, regardless of whether the person was into the game or not. My friends noticed too and started making jokes about me as the "crazy chess lady." They were friendly about it, and we always laughed, but I knew chess had taken over a large portion of my social time. It was time for me to diversify.

Thankfully, I am interested in many hobbies. I started taking dance classes in a style I had never tried before, just to challenge my mind in a different way. I spent some time with my artsy friends making some drawings and paintings together. Also, I got back to the art of conversation and took the time to really listen to my friends' interests and try to be a better partner in the discussion. These things helped me regain my balance and put chess in its rightful place in my life as a pleasant side hobby but not as a dominant addiction during my day.

I have played chess for nearly four years now, and for the first year I was wrestling with achieving that balance between work and play. It was important to me to expand beyond conversations about my "special interest" topic too. I still LOVE chess very much, and I enjoy promoting it at the school where I work to encourage kids to learn the game. I think it has so much value in the community to bring young and old together for an entertaining social time.

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I am just so glad that I learned that too much of one hobby can "make Jill a very dull girl too!"

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Maybe my words give you pause for thought. Perhaps you discover and acknowledge that you have a great balance between family, work, chess, and other hobbies. Congratulations! It is possible that you will notice that you too need to diversify your interests. It can be done, and I am excited for you to try something new!

Whatever your situation, I wish you some time in the sunshine, positive social interactions with those around you, and great self-appreciation for who you are!

Cheers!