Bullet Chess is Like Microwaving a Steak

Microwaving a Perfectly Good Steak (Bullet Chess)

Let me begin by stating that I do not think there is anything wrong with putting your steak in the microwave. If you really want to cook your steak at breakneck speed, the microwave is the way to go. Tenderness and flavor might not be important to you, and that’s ok. Getting any nutritional value from that steak may also not interest you, as science has proven nucleoproteins are destroyed when you microwave a piece of meat. You may view eating as an inconvenience and are looking to get through the experience as fast as you can. Who knows? The possible rationalizations for your choice to nuke the steak are seemingly infinite and, in the end, aren’t needed in this opinion so we will end the speculation here.

Thankfully, chess was invented before the microwave. Over 1,500 years of struggle and progress have led us to where the queen is the most powerful piece on the board and passivism by peasants is now punished with a French twist. However, the spirit of the game as it was invented has not changed. This is a game where each player is encouraged to think and use their imagination to create hypothetical scenarios that are possible to experiment with and play out on the physical (or virtual) board in front of them. To play chess is to think. I chess, therefore I am.

There will be errors in our thinking. Many phrases can be used here, but my favorite is the classic term, blunder. Can you blunder in bullet chess? Yes, of course, but you have a built-in excuse now! You have chosen to drive down the highway at warp speed, it is only natural you’re not going to stay within the dotted lines. No big deal! You are now free to play chess without questioning your own thoughts. This is what liberation must feel like. All that intellectual weight on your shoulders is now gone. Carpal Tunnel might come onto your radar, but don’t worry, that is just a minor risk and well worth the reward of being able to play one hundred chess games before noon.

Can you believe there are entire cookbooks dedicated to microwave cooking? I’m not sure they are still printing them today, but they were pumping them out when the nuke box was first invented. I could probably use the internet for good here and find a recipe for you, dear reader. Please, hold one moment:

https://microwavemasterchef.com/recipes/microwave-steak/

There you go. That was the first one to come up when I embarked on my online journey to enhance your dinner menu. Don’t forget to wear your eclipse glasses before you hit that start button!

        Cheers,
                         HamForFree